Talking about sex can be scary, and there's a lot of conflicting advice out there about how best to have those conversations. Don't worry -- wikiHow has your back! We've pulled the best, most trustworthy advice available from reliable organizations like Planned Parenthood and the American Sexual Health Association. To ask someone if they want to have sex, try bringing up sex in a casual or humorous way to see how they react. Do you want to take this further? Did this summary help you? Yes No. Log in Facebook Loading Google Loading Civic Loading
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2. Check your motives
1. Remember that you deserve sexual satisfaction
The fabulous Clarisse Thorn wrote a great article in which she asks why men who are honest about their sexual desires get written off as creepy among other things. In my experience, most of the people who talk and write about male sexual energy and how men act upon it are women. While I owe a huge debt to the many women who helped me shape my understanding and practices, I would love to see more men taking a lead around this. Thomas at Yes Means Yes is one of the few other men I see talking about it. I think that dealing with them is a different issue than what I want to focus on at the moment because I think that different strategies are needed. Now, I want to be very clear that I get that men tend to throw their sexual attention around, without understanding how that can be intrusive, invasive and triggering.
2. Read the room.
In addition to the full-time job of keeping the relationship going, keeping the sex going can be like a second job. Is it the cleaning horse stalls all summer kind, or the fun lifeguard at the pool kind? The work of it may feel like an interminable slog or it may not feel like work at all. But there is still some kind of work if you have either mismatched libidos due to desire issues, or bad timing due to life issues. One person wants to do it more than the other person, so the person who wants to do it more has to ask for it and initiate it, and that gets old, and then people get really pissy with each other.
Photo by Thais Ramos Varela. Wish your partner would do something different in the bedroom, like try a new position, adjust their pace, or touch you just so? Communicating these desires to your partner can feel awkward and uncomfortable, but just remember that when it comes to what goes on in the boudoir, YOU are in charge of your own pleasure. Here are some powerful strategies you can use to be your own pleasure advocate and ask for what you want during sex:.