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Illustration by Catherine Soule. Come on, you know you've tried it. If you have a penis, a mouth, 15 spare minutes, and even an iota of curiosity, you've tried to see just how close you can get your face to that pesky little pecker you carry around in your pants. That's OK, man has been trying to get that thing into his mouth since the dawn of time. Unfortunately, most of us can't do it. The worst part about that one inch that keeps your dick head from your sweet, sweet lips is that we know there are guys out there who can actually bridge that abyss — and they're not even contortionists or freaks with a whole foot of pipe in their briefs. These are just normal guys who have the gift of self-pleasure.
If you've got an open mind and a few inches you'll have that thing in your mouth in no time.
For a concept that seems fringe to many, it is surprising how often auto-fellatio the technical term for sucking your own dick pops up in modern culture. It shows up in movies like Clerks as both a male aspiration and a punchline. Clearly we are, as a culture, low-key obsessed with the act of sucking our own dicks. But how long, exactly, has the West been fixated on—openly acknowledged and made frequent cultural and conversational use of—auto-fellatio? And why has the concept gained so much traction in our popular imaginations? Humans, everyone I spoke to for this piece agreed, have likely been thinking about and attempting auto-fellatio since the dawn of our species.
Autofellatio is the act of oral stimulation of one's own penis as a form of masturbation. Only a limited number of men are physically capable of performing autofellatio. Egyptologist David Lorton says that many ancient texts refer to autofellatio within the religion of Egypt , both in the realm of the gods and among the followers performing religious rituals. Michel Foucault cites Artemidorus ' Oneirocritica as identifying the act of "taking [one's] sex organ into one's [own] mouth" as one of three ways to commit "relations with oneself. Few men possess sufficient flexibility and penis length to safely perform the necessary frontbend. Autofellatio is a niche in pornography. In Brian W. Aldiss ' semi-autobiographical novel The Hand-Reared Boy , he describes group masturbation practices at a British boys' boarding school. One boy with an especially large penis is capable of fellating himself, a fact which the narrator, Horatio Stubbs, verifies. Comedian Bill Hicks elaborated an oft-quoted riff on the subject of fellatio , "A woman one night yelled out, 'Yeah, you ever try it?